Jokes

from google

Youre next
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped doing that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

Last request
Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, Dear," he said.
"Of course, Tim," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die, he said, "I want you to marry Lawrence."
"But I thought you hated Lawrence," she said.
With his last breath, Tim said, "I do!"

Insomania
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."